At the sight of ice cream, the spoons go mad. Using technology the Confederation of Spoons stole from NASA, they open the freezer and remove the Chunky Monkey Ice Cream, and as one spoon they pry the lid off. The leader indicates the freezer and the rest clink in excitement. Armed with a higher brain to body ratio than most crows, they hack their way out of the drawer, gathering en masse on the countertop. The humans bustle and belch and finally go to sleep. Within the silverware drawer they lie, waiting for the perfect moment. Filled with yearning, they will stop at nothing to achieve their greatest desire: to communally bury themselves waist deep in a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream and feel the substance turn from solid to liquid around their lower portions. You must be fearless, prepared to delete even your most favorite phrases if they don’t fit. Read what you wrote 10 minutes later and see if the funny stuck. If something isn’t working, it must be deleted. President Obama taking a dump is effective because the phrase seems so vulgar next to his very formal name. Don’t be afraid to use slang and formal language right next to each other: “President Obama politely excused himself from the cabinet meeting in order to take a dump” is funnier than “President Obama went to the bathroom.” 3. Varying the level of your language can be an effective way of building humor. floppy eared teenager running away to Omaha instead of merely running away to the west. The more ridiculous, vivid, or shocking the image, the more laughs you can milk. Whenever you can, use specific place names, fruit types, brand names, i.e. Read your stuff out loud to anyone who will listen. Why describe someone as ugly when you could say their face is an abomination? Why use the words yell, say, talk, or point when you could say screech, yammer, chit chat, or gesticulate? Why say a man did something when you could say an arsonist did it? Some words and phrases, like chuckle bucket, just sound funny. How can you use them most effectively? 1. The words you choose are your giggle daggers. By choosing the right words and framework, you can make anything funny: a 2 year-old’s birthday party, eating a pretzel, stealing quarters from your parents, etc. The humor comes from the way a given situation is presented. No situation is inherently funny or will make someone laugh by default. Photo by Erika Everything is funny and nothing is funny.
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